Let's be ladies and gentlemen again

Where has the romance gone? Where have the gentlemen gone?
There was a time when men opened the doors, would bring flowers home, would pay for dinner, do I really need to go on? I think you get the point. Now you go on dates and you won't even know if it is a date because now a days they call it hanging out together or meeting up. Men don't even pick you up for a date anymore. I once went out with a friend of mine for dinner. It was not a date but he treated me like a real lady. He picked me up, opened the car door and the restaurant door for me, paid the bill. I was shocked. Can you imagine that? I was shocked by his behavior because I never ever experienced anything like it. Isn't that sad?

I am lucky I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life but I had my share of bad dates and relationships. And I have friends who report back to me. And the worst thing is that after the date everyone starts playing games. "He texted me an hour ago but I won't open the message for another hour so he doesn't think I am sitting waiting for him. And after I read the message I won't answer him for a day or two." And then the guy does the same thing. Problem is that people find other people more attractive when they are playing hard to get. They get bored when one is too available but that is not love? Loving someone means choosing someone every day, loving them also when you are bored and you don't feel the butterflies anymore. Why does one need to start a maybe future relationship with games?

I feel like men have changed. I remember my grandmother told me that when my grandfather didn't like what she was wearing he would make her go and change. Can you imagine? No woman would ever let a man speak to her like that. And men would never speak to women like that and maybe that's good. But I was once on a date where the guy wouldn't make any decisions. everything ( and when i say everything I mean everything: which restaurant to go to, where to sit, which movie to watch, what to talk about) had to be discussed with me and I hated it. I felt like telling him to man up and take control. Don't all women want a man who takes control. Someone who knows what he wants and let's you know it. It doesn't have to be as extreme as my grandfather but men have to become men again.

A few days ago I had an argument with my husband. It was nothing serious but I was very angry (I have the tendency to exaggerate) but I still wanted him to be a little bit more dramatic with his apology. I wanted flowers and chocolate and a romantic gesture telling me that he loves me and can't live without me. Never happened and it's fine I am not angry about it. I don't know all women in this world but women like me, want men to make a big fuss around them and for them. It makes you feel special and loved what is wrong with that?

I saw a post on one of the Facebook groups where a woman was complaining that men don't come up to you anymore to ask you out or to buy you a drink. But is it really just men?
A male friend of mine complains about women: They don't want to commit or when they do they get scared and pull away. it's like men and women are not compatible anymore. Women are becoming stronger and more independent. Maybe they don't feel the need to have a man in their life. Maybe that is the problem?

Maybe we need to go back in time a bit. Women need to let men be men, make them feel like they are needed, make them feel masculine, make  them feel like they are the man in the relationship. And men need to man up again and need to treat a woman like the most special lady in the world.

Home sweet home

I still say that I recently moved to a new flat when it has been already mhm let me think, 4 months?! Yes I think we moved 4 months ago. And believe it or not yesterday we put up our first pictures.  A month ago we still had a not-yet-built-ikea-cupboard lying around. When my parents came they made me build it up which annoyed me but if they hadn't then you probably could still find it in a box waiting to be built. 

So this week I decided to hang some pictures up and this blog inspired me. Check it out you will find some great ideas. My problem is with all pictures (poster and photos) that I can not decide on a frame and when I have decided on a frame I can not decide where to hang it. Through the blog I discovered WASHI Tape. For anyone who does not know what it is. It's coloured tape that you can stick and take off really easily. You can get different colours, different designs and you can decorate almost anything with it. I made frames with it.

I actually think that this poster needs a black frame but I could not find black washi tape. So I used this light green. And this is the amazing thing about the tape when you are fed up with it you can take it off and start from the beginning. 

For the bedroom I wanted a VOGUE themed wall. (my poor husband has to have a girly room, but he really should be happy I didn't put it up in the sitting room because I would have if I was living alone) I bought this poster on amazon but I was thinking of adding to the rest of the wall just normal vogue covers. I just have to find ones I like. It's a process. I will update you of course. 

To sleep or not to sleep that is the question

We have not been sleeping well since my little munchkin was born 18 months ago. Actually I have not been sleeping well since the pregnancy because I was uncomfortable and I needed to wee all the time. And when he was in hospital we did not sleep well because we were worried and when he came home he would only sleep on us. Then at some point we were able to get him to sleep next to us. It was a huge improvement to before but it definitely was very far from ideal. 

Last Wednesday I finally started teaching him to fall asleep by himself because that way he can send himself to sleep when he wakes up at night. But that is not the only reason why I needed to teach him to sleep alone. I also needed him give him a push to independence. He needed to separate from me to be able to develop.

I was dreading it. I really was. I was going from "I can't do it" to "I must do it" to "my poor baby how can I do this to him". I did not let him cry it out in the traditional way. I sat next to him and I was with him the whole time and he in the end fell asleep with my hand on his back. It was quicker than I thought and he has been doing really well. Last night he slept through the night! It really was not how I thought it would be. Somehow when you read blogs and articles and books about it you just think it is going to be a nightmare. You think you won't sleep for 2 weeks or more. But it isn't so bad if you are consistent. If you choose a sleep training method that you are comfortable with and you a ready to follow through then it will be okay. Look I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe tomorrow he will cry for 3 hours. Maybe tonight he will wake up and I will have a nightmare. MAYBE but whatever it is I will be able to manage and so will he. 

I just wonder what would have been if I had done it sooner. And why did i not do it sooner? Because I was not ready. I was not ready to let go. I stopped my child from developing although he was ready to. He was ready to grow up, to not be an infant anymore. I am using the word infant because I can not say baby because he is still a baby. A baby toddler. I thought I would feel guilty about sleep training him, about letting him cry, about making him do something he did not want to do. But now I feel guilty that I did not do it sooner. I was traumatised by what happened to him and me when he was born.  I needed him close, I was afraid he would die. I needed him to be in my bed. Maybe he needed it at the beginning but I think he was ready before I was.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.” 

― Philip Larkin

Haha always think of this poem when I think I am being a "bad parent" :) 

I am not saying you should sleep train, I am just saying if you are worried about it than don't be. Children adapt so quickly to change and has my husband always said to me: "try to remember that the situation as it is, is not "Right". He is not supposed to need you to fall asleep so you are teaching him an important skill. You are doing it for him and for yourself"

So when sleep training is over who wants to go out and party with me. 

Just Dance

              When you are feeling low or had a bad day put on loud music and dance. Dance as hard as you can.Dance like you have never before. Just dance it out. 

Forget about everything around you. Forget about why you are angry or sad . Just listen to the music and dance. Dance like nothing else is important.

Dance as crazy as you always wanted to but never have because you were too shy.

Don't you feel so much better? 

Jemanden etwas gönnen

Jemandem etwas gönnen (this is German for everyone here who does not speak german) means to be happy for someone without feeling envious. In English there is no word that describes exactly that. Or maybe there is but I definitely did not find it. It is such a great word and it is even better can do exactly that. I think it is something that people find very hard. It is easy to be happy for someone but secretly be envious of them. But does that mean that you are actually not happy for them?
I am trying to become better at it because there are situations where I really find it hard to feel that way for people. For a long time I hated pregnant women. Then I got to the point that I could tolerate them, then I was happy for them but I was crazy jealous and now I gönnen. Such a good word. I sound like Miranda. OH MY GOD if you do not know what I am talking about then you have to watch the series. YOU HAVE TO.

YOU SEE? ISN'T SO FUNNY!

It is silly to be jealous and really just hard for oneself. I think it makes you a less happy person. I did not want to feel that way. I never want to feel that way and also if I am aware of it I cannot just change my feelings. It just does not work that way. Well not with me. People say it is normal to feel envious of other pregnant women when one had a preemie and a traumatic birth.

Can one learn to gönnen? I think that some people just find it easier than others. Maybe people who are generally happy with their lives. Maybe the happier you are for someone the less envious you will feel. Maybe the more involved you get the less you can feel jealous because you see how happy the person is. Maybe the more you love the person the more you want them to be happy. And maybe (this is my last maybe) the more aware you are of your feelings the more control you have over them. I am not saying that you can say "I am not going to be angry anymore" or "I am not going to be sad" but I think that if you feel consciously then you can work against those feelings but it is struggle. And you will always find yourself in a situation where a friend or family member has something that you want and can't have or they are living a life that you wish you could live or you know. There is always going to be situations where you need to gönnen. For your own sake because it will make you a happier person. And if it makes you feel any better. Everyone is struggling with it not just you.


PS: After reading what I read again I had to laugh because I used the word "gönnen" as an english verb like I do when I speak to Simon or my parents. I am very much aware that I do it not just with that word :) That is what it is like when you grow up with two languages.

The owl and the pussy-cat

The owl and the Pussy- cat went to sea

In a beautiful pea- green boat 

They took some honey, and plenty of money, 

Wrapped up in a five- pound note 

The owl looked up to the stars above, 

And sang to a small guitar, 

' o lovely pussy! O pussy, my love, what a beautiful pussy you are, 

You are 

You are! 

What a beautiful Pussy you are!' 

Pussy said to the owl, ' you elegant fowl!

How charmingly sweet you sing! 

O let us be married! Too long we have tarried: 

But what shall we do for a ring?' 

They sailed away, for a year and a day, 

To the land where the Bong- tree grows, 

And there in a wood a Piggy- wig stood, 

With a ring at the end of his nose , 

His nose, 

His nose, 

With a ring at the end of his nose

'Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?' 

Said the Piggy, 'I will' 

So they took it away, and were married next day 

By the Turkey who lives on the hill. 

They dined on mince, and slices of quince, 

Which they are with a runclible spoon; 

And Hand in hand, on the edge of the sand 

They danced by the light of the moon

The moon

The moon 

They danced by the light of the moon. 

~ Edward Lear ~ 

my amazing-make-my-legs-look-incredibly-thin-but-make-me-tower-over-everyone-so-i-don't-wear-them shoes

My story behind these shoes and many shoes that are sitting my cupboard is that I buy shoes that I absolutely looooooove. I can't not have them so I buy them and they sit in my cupboard. Every now and then I take them out, try them on and tell Simon "how much I love them" but end up putting them back in the cupboard where they remain till the next try on. 

One of the reasons why I don't wear these shoes or any of my other high heels is because I have no where to wear them. I am not going to wear them to the park or to go shopping. And as my son is not sleep trained Simon and I have not been going out much. I could wear them to synagogue but I am not mad. We have a 20 minute walk to synagogue and if you have been to Jerusalem you know that you have to always walk up hill to get anywhere so NO I am not going to kill myself by earing them to shul (means synagogue).

And also if I did have a reason to wear them I wouldn't because I tower over everyone and it makes me feel uncomfortable and then I look uncomfortable. I made a big msitake at the last party I went to as I decided I would wear my beautiful Office high heeled peep-toes and now there are pictures of me where I look absolutely horrible. There are family group pictures where I am taller than everyone else. It looks terrible. No woman wants to be the tallest person at a party- yes okay I was not the tallest at the party but I was one of them. 

Everyone always says how lucky I am that I am tall and bla bla bla. I always wanted to be short and thin. Delicate, petite, dainty. 

But one should never say that out loud because all you will hear is "you are ridiculous. You should be happy that you are tall.". But it isn't better to be tall. Especially if you can not wear the shoes your heart desires. 

So here are one of my amazing-make-my-legs-look-incredibly-thin-but-make-me-tower-over-everyone-so-i-don't-wear-them shoes