Let's be ladies and gentlemen again

Where has the romance gone? Where have the gentlemen gone?
There was a time when men opened the doors, would bring flowers home, would pay for dinner, do I really need to go on? I think you get the point. Now you go on dates and you won't even know if it is a date because now a days they call it hanging out together or meeting up. Men don't even pick you up for a date anymore. I once went out with a friend of mine for dinner. It was not a date but he treated me like a real lady. He picked me up, opened the car door and the restaurant door for me, paid the bill. I was shocked. Can you imagine that? I was shocked by his behavior because I never ever experienced anything like it. Isn't that sad?

I am lucky I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life but I had my share of bad dates and relationships. And I have friends who report back to me. And the worst thing is that after the date everyone starts playing games. "He texted me an hour ago but I won't open the message for another hour so he doesn't think I am sitting waiting for him. And after I read the message I won't answer him for a day or two." And then the guy does the same thing. Problem is that people find other people more attractive when they are playing hard to get. They get bored when one is too available but that is not love? Loving someone means choosing someone every day, loving them also when you are bored and you don't feel the butterflies anymore. Why does one need to start a maybe future relationship with games?

I feel like men have changed. I remember my grandmother told me that when my grandfather didn't like what she was wearing he would make her go and change. Can you imagine? No woman would ever let a man speak to her like that. And men would never speak to women like that and maybe that's good. But I was once on a date where the guy wouldn't make any decisions. everything ( and when i say everything I mean everything: which restaurant to go to, where to sit, which movie to watch, what to talk about) had to be discussed with me and I hated it. I felt like telling him to man up and take control. Don't all women want a man who takes control. Someone who knows what he wants and let's you know it. It doesn't have to be as extreme as my grandfather but men have to become men again.

A few days ago I had an argument with my husband. It was nothing serious but I was very angry (I have the tendency to exaggerate) but I still wanted him to be a little bit more dramatic with his apology. I wanted flowers and chocolate and a romantic gesture telling me that he loves me and can't live without me. Never happened and it's fine I am not angry about it. I don't know all women in this world but women like me, want men to make a big fuss around them and for them. It makes you feel special and loved what is wrong with that?

I saw a post on one of the Facebook groups where a woman was complaining that men don't come up to you anymore to ask you out or to buy you a drink. But is it really just men?
A male friend of mine complains about women: They don't want to commit or when they do they get scared and pull away. it's like men and women are not compatible anymore. Women are becoming stronger and more independent. Maybe they don't feel the need to have a man in their life. Maybe that is the problem?

Maybe we need to go back in time a bit. Women need to let men be men, make them feel like they are needed, make them feel masculine, make  them feel like they are the man in the relationship. And men need to man up again and need to treat a woman like the most special lady in the world.

Home sweet home

I still say that I recently moved to a new flat when it has been already mhm let me think, 4 months?! Yes I think we moved 4 months ago. And believe it or not yesterday we put up our first pictures.  A month ago we still had a not-yet-built-ikea-cupboard lying around. When my parents came they made me build it up which annoyed me but if they hadn't then you probably could still find it in a box waiting to be built. 

So this week I decided to hang some pictures up and this blog inspired me. Check it out you will find some great ideas. My problem is with all pictures (poster and photos) that I can not decide on a frame and when I have decided on a frame I can not decide where to hang it. Through the blog I discovered WASHI Tape. For anyone who does not know what it is. It's coloured tape that you can stick and take off really easily. You can get different colours, different designs and you can decorate almost anything with it. I made frames with it.

I actually think that this poster needs a black frame but I could not find black washi tape. So I used this light green. And this is the amazing thing about the tape when you are fed up with it you can take it off and start from the beginning. 

For the bedroom I wanted a VOGUE themed wall. (my poor husband has to have a girly room, but he really should be happy I didn't put it up in the sitting room because I would have if I was living alone) I bought this poster on amazon but I was thinking of adding to the rest of the wall just normal vogue covers. I just have to find ones I like. It's a process. I will update you of course. 

To sleep or not to sleep that is the question

We have not been sleeping well since my little munchkin was born 18 months ago. Actually I have not been sleeping well since the pregnancy because I was uncomfortable and I needed to wee all the time. And when he was in hospital we did not sleep well because we were worried and when he came home he would only sleep on us. Then at some point we were able to get him to sleep next to us. It was a huge improvement to before but it definitely was very far from ideal. 

Last Wednesday I finally started teaching him to fall asleep by himself because that way he can send himself to sleep when he wakes up at night. But that is not the only reason why I needed to teach him to sleep alone. I also needed him give him a push to independence. He needed to separate from me to be able to develop.

I was dreading it. I really was. I was going from "I can't do it" to "I must do it" to "my poor baby how can I do this to him". I did not let him cry it out in the traditional way. I sat next to him and I was with him the whole time and he in the end fell asleep with my hand on his back. It was quicker than I thought and he has been doing really well. Last night he slept through the night! It really was not how I thought it would be. Somehow when you read blogs and articles and books about it you just think it is going to be a nightmare. You think you won't sleep for 2 weeks or more. But it isn't so bad if you are consistent. If you choose a sleep training method that you are comfortable with and you a ready to follow through then it will be okay. Look I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe tomorrow he will cry for 3 hours. Maybe tonight he will wake up and I will have a nightmare. MAYBE but whatever it is I will be able to manage and so will he. 

I just wonder what would have been if I had done it sooner. And why did i not do it sooner? Because I was not ready. I was not ready to let go. I stopped my child from developing although he was ready to. He was ready to grow up, to not be an infant anymore. I am using the word infant because I can not say baby because he is still a baby. A baby toddler. I thought I would feel guilty about sleep training him, about letting him cry, about making him do something he did not want to do. But now I feel guilty that I did not do it sooner. I was traumatised by what happened to him and me when he was born.  I needed him close, I was afraid he would die. I needed him to be in my bed. Maybe he needed it at the beginning but I think he was ready before I was.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.” 

― Philip Larkin

Haha always think of this poem when I think I am being a "bad parent" :) 

I am not saying you should sleep train, I am just saying if you are worried about it than don't be. Children adapt so quickly to change and has my husband always said to me: "try to remember that the situation as it is, is not "Right". He is not supposed to need you to fall asleep so you are teaching him an important skill. You are doing it for him and for yourself"

So when sleep training is over who wants to go out and party with me. 

Just Dance

              When you are feeling low or had a bad day put on loud music and dance. Dance as hard as you can.Dance like you have never before. Just dance it out. 

Forget about everything around you. Forget about why you are angry or sad . Just listen to the music and dance. Dance like nothing else is important.

Dance as crazy as you always wanted to but never have because you were too shy.

Don't you feel so much better? 

Jemanden etwas gönnen

Jemandem etwas gönnen (this is German for everyone here who does not speak german) means to be happy for someone without feeling envious. In English there is no word that describes exactly that. Or maybe there is but I definitely did not find it. It is such a great word and it is even better can do exactly that. I think it is something that people find very hard. It is easy to be happy for someone but secretly be envious of them. But does that mean that you are actually not happy for them?
I am trying to become better at it because there are situations where I really find it hard to feel that way for people. For a long time I hated pregnant women. Then I got to the point that I could tolerate them, then I was happy for them but I was crazy jealous and now I gönnen. Such a good word. I sound like Miranda. OH MY GOD if you do not know what I am talking about then you have to watch the series. YOU HAVE TO.

YOU SEE? ISN'T SO FUNNY!

It is silly to be jealous and really just hard for oneself. I think it makes you a less happy person. I did not want to feel that way. I never want to feel that way and also if I am aware of it I cannot just change my feelings. It just does not work that way. Well not with me. People say it is normal to feel envious of other pregnant women when one had a preemie and a traumatic birth.

Can one learn to gönnen? I think that some people just find it easier than others. Maybe people who are generally happy with their lives. Maybe the happier you are for someone the less envious you will feel. Maybe the more involved you get the less you can feel jealous because you see how happy the person is. Maybe the more you love the person the more you want them to be happy. And maybe (this is my last maybe) the more aware you are of your feelings the more control you have over them. I am not saying that you can say "I am not going to be angry anymore" or "I am not going to be sad" but I think that if you feel consciously then you can work against those feelings but it is struggle. And you will always find yourself in a situation where a friend or family member has something that you want and can't have or they are living a life that you wish you could live or you know. There is always going to be situations where you need to gönnen. For your own sake because it will make you a happier person. And if it makes you feel any better. Everyone is struggling with it not just you.


PS: After reading what I read again I had to laugh because I used the word "gönnen" as an english verb like I do when I speak to Simon or my parents. I am very much aware that I do it not just with that word :) That is what it is like when you grow up with two languages.

i carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go; my dear, and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear
No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life,which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


~ EE Cummings ~

Must have

What you need, really really need are a pair of shoes that make you feel like a million dollars when you are wearing jeans and an old t-shirt you found in your boyfriend's/husband's cupboard. They can be highheels, sandals or flats it does not matter. All they have to be is absolutely fabulous. That does not mean they have to be madly expensive or a designer. No, it's more about how you feel in them and how they change your outfit: sometimes they complete your outfit and they were what was missing all along and sometimes they are best thing about your outfit. 

 So ladies if you don't have a pair of shoes like that in your wardrobe then stop whatever you are doing and go shopping now!!! I mean it, go now!!!

these are my million dollar shoes. Don't you just love them? I love them and I don't know how I lived without them.

be kind and patient to yourself

Babies and children are inspiring.
I have been living in Israel for nearly two years and I know about 40 words in hebrew. I know it's pathetic. I had a place at a language school but my son was born early and I could not go. Time passed and my son was very attached to me and I was very attached to him. He would not stay with anyone else and I do not think I was ready to leave him with anyone. Look, things would have been different if my parents lived here or my in-laws but I don't have close family here so it is hard, you know? Anyway I did a very intensive langauge course with a friend of mine who is a hebrew teacher. And it was great but it was so hard. I think I complained a lot. I just felt like it took me 10 hours to remember one word and you feel like a complete idiot. It takes me about 5 minutes to say a basic, very easy sentence in Hebrew and when I try to read anything it takes me forever and a day that I just want to give up. And as I have not been on top of it for the last few weeks I feel like I have forgotten everything again and that I will have to start at the beginning. And it is not just a new language, it is everything. If you want to learn anything new it will feel like it takes forever. I never learnt a music instrument because I was too lazy to practice and I just wanted to be able to play it without working for it. I am certain that a lot of people are not like me but still. How does one learn to be patient with one self?

Babies and children are inspiring and they should inspire us because they are so patient with themselves. Or maybe they do not know how not to be patient. But no.. because one can see that they too get frustrated sometimes but they will still try again and often they will try even harder.
I see it every day with my son. He was been walking around furniture for 7 months and two weeks ago he started walking on his own and he is still falling on his bum every four steps and he just gets up and starts again. Isn't that amazing and he is like that with everything. He has to learn everything new and if it takes him a hundert tries he will try until he succeeds. At the moment I am trying to teach him that his eyes are his eyes. But he does not get it. He knows his head, tummy, feet, ears and his pippiman. Yes that is what we call it. I did not like willy and penis just sounds so weird. I am not a doctor why should I call it that. And somehow pippiman sounds like a superhero, like superman or batman. I am hoping it will help him have a good relationship to his pippiman- you might ask why I am worried it about it. Well I think if everyone was obsessed with your pippiman during your childhood you would have a difficult relationship to your pippiman or actually pippiwoman as I am not talking to men only. My son had a problem since he was created, he had problems weeing and he needed to be born early and have an operation. And for the next years he is going to have to visit his urologist religiously. So yes I am worried he is going to have a difficult relationship to his pippiman. Why did I start talking about that? Oh yes because he does not know his eyes, nose or mouth. And I have been trying to teach him every day and he is just not getting it.

So now I don't just have to be patient with myself when it comes to learning something new but also with my son. But somehow it is easier and I am hoping that it will teach me to be more patient with myself and also to be kinder to myself. Children are amazing that's all I can say, that is all that needs to be said, don't you think?