Pumping, Breastfeeding and everything else

When I breastfeed my little boy I feel it is a little miracle. Usually breastfeeding is a natural thing for mothers and babies. And believe me when I was pregnant I had this idea of holding my baby for the first time and trying to breastfeed him. I wondered what it would feel like, wonder how I would feel about it. Well it never happened that way. Well of course there was a first time I tried breastfeeding but it wasn't nice and it wasn't anything like I imagined it would be.
It was me sitting next to the incubator, with curtains closed which always made me feel a bit claustrophobic. I was scared of his catheter falling out, is oxygen dropping and his heart rate being too high. I was just worried about everything. And he could not do it at all. He took it in his mouth and did not like it. He had no idea what he had to do.
He always got breast milk though because I always expressed milk. That was romantic: a machine on my breast pulling at them. And the noise just drove me crazy. Because I was not making enough milk I had to do it every two hours. My life consisted of either waiting to see my baby, being with my baby or pumping. For a long time he could not even eat with a bottle. The poor little thing had a feeding tube which was actually pretty cool because the nurses were able to suck out the air that was in in tummy. For the first few weeks of his life he never had tummy problems. Sometimes I wish I could suck the air out of my tummy. It would make me feel so much better :)
When you see my baby boy eat now you would not think that a couple of months ago he hated eating. He used to eat 10 cc and fall asleep. It was like he had no interest in eating. Sometimes I felt like I wanted to scream. I just could not understand why it was taking him so much longer then other babies. I think if he could he would eat now all the time. 24 hours. Even when he is sleeping he would like to eat. He makes these sweet sucking movements when he is sleeping. It looks so cute.

So when did he start eating properly? 

He was on a very strict routine: Feeding was every three hours, not earlier and not later. And somehow it did not agree with him. He wanted to eat when he wanted to. So at some point, after I had a "nervous breakdown" the doctors decided that we were allowed to feed him on demand. They were only really able to do that because I was there all day. The nurses do not have time to feed the babies every 1- 2 hours that is why they have this schedule. After that he did it. It was a miracle. 

Did I just say nervous breakdown?  It was not exactly that but I was under a lot of stress. The urologist ordered a specific instrument for the operation and because the hospital has money problems they were not prepared to pay for it. The doctor said that we might have to go to a different hospital if the hospital does not get it's act together. And the other thing was that Dan was doing great with eating for the whole day and then in the evening he did not eat his whole bottle. He was tired after his bath and instead of just leaving him the nurse insisted in giving him the feeding tube again. I was so angry because it was just one feed. They did not really have to be worried about his weight any more so it was not the end of the world that he did not finish his bottle. But anyway. They put the feeding tube back in and I could not stop crying. Everybody knew about it. At that point I was not any more the nudniky mother (nudnik means something like pushy), I was also the mother who cried. They probably thought I was unstable or something. 

anyway back to breastfeeding. when I left the hospital I was breastfeeding him once a day. And when I came home it was really hard to pump, feed him and do all the other things I had to do in house. Going out was also hard because he needed to eat so I always needed to bring a bottle with me but I also needed to pump. And you can not pump in public! OR have you ever seen someone express milk in a restaurant? No of course you have not.  And it is one thing to wake up at night and stick your baby to your breast but to actually get up warm a bottle while your baby is crying in the other room and your husband getting annoyed that he is not getting enough sleep,... Again. And although the nurses said I should not start breastfeeding him more then once a day I did. I started feeding him at night which made the nights so much more bearable. And then I do not remember when but at some point I stopped pumping and was able to only breastfeed. No more sterilising, no more pumping, no more bottles. I am glad that I expressed milk. The doctors always said it is the best medicine that you can give him and also if it was uncomfortable and hurt sometimes you do what you need to for your child. No? But then you should do what is best for you. If you do not feel comfortable breastfeeding then you should not do it because your baby will know that you are not enjoying it. And if you can not breastfeed then you should also accept that. I always said to myself that if I can not breastfeed then it is not the end of the world. My whole pregnancy did not work out the way I imagined it so it would not have been a surprise if that also had not worked out. It is funny now a days I think women feel the pressure of having to breastfeed but there was once a time when women did not even consider it. It was completely normal to just bottle feed your baby and if you did decide to breastfeed you were "weird". It is strange how the world goes through phases. Important is though that you do what you want to do and not what society wants. On Facebook I sometimes see people posting about their problems with breastfeeding, some women say they do not enjoy it but they still struggle to do it. I think that is the wrong way to go. Or? What do you think?


I miss now seeing my husband feed our son. It was probably a way for them to bond which they do not have any more. But they have other ways to bond. And he is so happy for me that it worked out for me. And I am happy too that it worked out for me. And Dan is also very happy that it worked out :) 

The End

Children's books. Part deux

Sally and Dick have nothing to do on a rainy day. Unexpectedly the cat in the hat comes to visit to show them how much fun one can have indoors. But are Sally and Dick really having fun?

Lovely book especially if you can do the different voices. Have to get the book to practice so I can do it as well as Dan's Nonas. 

What is a Gruffalo? Well get this book for your grandchild and you will find out together :)

When I worked in a Kindergarten the children really liked this book. I ended up either reading this book or a Disney book again and again till I had no voice :)  

Old bear counts "one, two, three, four" while all the other stuffed animals try to find a good hiding place. Little bear hides himself so well, that it can't be found. Is he really lost?I had this book as a child and I loved it. When I go home next time I will have to look for it in the many boxes that we have at home!

Here's a little baby
one, two, three,
Sits in his high chair
What does he see??
Peepo!

Look through the holes to find out what the little baby sees. Children love looking at the details of the wonderful illustrations. Very fun book for babies, toddlers and adults. My mum already bought this book for me :) 

Who is afraid of 7 o'clock? I am!

Why is it that babies become fussy in the evening?

With my son, it is like he has an alarm set for 7 o'clock.  So between about 7 and 12 o'clock he is mostly fussy. He has maybe half an hour when he is in a good mood but sleeping is not on his agenda although one feels he wants to sleep but can't.  Don't really know if he can fight sleep yet, he is probably abit to young for that but it does seem that way. 
But why is it that it is only in the evening? I know it is not his tummy because thank god I found out what was causing his wind! Milky products. Who would have thought?! When I read it for the first time in my "new baby care book" I could not believe it. Why on earth should milky products cause wind? But I tried it. For two weeks I have not eaten anything milky. No milk, no cheese, no chocolate (and I LOVE chocolate), no nothing. It is really hard especially because I used to live of cereal. During pregnancy I ate cereal for breakfast and lunch, sometimes I ate it as a snack. Life is so much easier if you can just make yourself a sandwich with cheese. But since I cut out milky products my son hasn't had any problems with his tummy and it has become a good time to start my low carb diet :). But he is still fussy between 7 and 12 o'clock. Yesterday someone told me to cut out diet coke, something to do with the acid and the caffeine- I am going to try it for a couple of weeks and see if it makes a difference, not that I drink much coke but it is worth the shot right? I will let you know if it changes anything in his behavior. The other strange thing is that he wants to eat every hour. During the night he can sleep for 3-4 hours and during the day he eats every 2 hours. And at first I thought it was for comfort but it isn't he sucks as if he had't eaten for hours. 
I feel sorry for my husband who only gets to see him like this during the week. Thank god at the weekend he sees a different side as well. 
We (me, my husband, my little boy, and his nona) have found a couple of different things that help him calm down: 

1. Carrying him around in the sling or in the baby carrier. At first he screams his head off but once I start moving he falls asleep. The problem is always when I try getting him out, he often wakes up but sometimes I am lucky and I can lie him in his bed. 

2. Putting him in his carry cot on the wheels and walking him around. It's only effective though when he is already asleep and I want him to stay asleep when I put him in his cot. And it is quite difficult to wheel him around as our flat is quite small and also if the weather is good it is difficult to just go out till he falls asleep as we have to walk down four flights of stairs!! (good exercise though) 

3. White noise. With him its everything that is noisy: hair dryer, hoover, kettle. Tried using the white noise from Youtube but it does not work on him. Once he was lying on the sofa and his father was entertaining him so I could hoover the floor after Shabbat (The floor always seems to eat too on Friday night and Saturday lunch. Don't ask me why, maybe it is hungry). As soon as the hoover came one the little boy fell asleep! On his back! no carrying him around, no sling, nothing. Has not happened again but I still have hope :). The white noise often helps him to stay asleep. After a while I don't hear the noise any more, you just get used to it. It is annoying when I want to watch Friends or Modern family but it is important for him to sleep and I can use the time in a better way then watching series like making food, doing washing... 

4. My husband can walk him to sleep in the tiger position. I can't, for some reason my little fusspot can't get comfortable like that. But that is fine with me. It's his thing with his father. 

5. His nona bought him a nice new chair to sit in and he loves it (it's his happy place) but once he starts fussing the chair also can not help any more. 

6. I have noticed that taking him for a walk tires him out also if he sleeps through the whole walk. Maybe it is the fresh air, who knows? at the moment though it is just a theory, the testing phase is not over yet. 

When you read about regulation disorders it always says that in the evenings the babies start to be fussy and cry a lot more then during the day. But why is that? Can anybody explain that to me? Is it because we, parents, are more stress about them sleeping, because we want to get them into a routine or because we want some time for ourselves? The most important thing is that one stays calm and doesn't get annoyed. I often do not get annoyed but I feel bad because there is nothing I can do to help him really except contain his feelings and make him feel like he is not alone. And also if he wakes me up at night or cries for most of the day he is still my own precious heart! He is so sweet I could eat him. I always think it is a weird thing to say because I do not want to eat him but I and also other people say it about children. Wonder where it comes from!? I will look it up now so see you maybe tomorrow... 

Nursery

I'm writing this while pushing the pram backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards. If I stop my little man will wake up. I am trying to "teach" him to sleep in his bed.


Today's female generation has to live with a conflict: on the one hand women should take maternity leave to live through the transition of becoming a mother and to spend quality time with her baby. In addition psychologist always highlight that the first three years in the development of the child are the most important. On the other hand women feel pressured to leave the maternity phase again so they can get on with their careers. Mothers have to make a personal compromise. It is important to recognise that if a mother is unhappy at home it is better for her and the child to go back to work. No matter whether the child goes to kindergarten or stays at home, the quality of care is important. The quality of care at home can sometimes be increased by the mother working part time. Why? Because she will feel more fulfilled then if she is "just" a stay- home mum. She will feel like she did something for herself and she will spend more quality time with her child which she will be able to enjoy more.

What are the requirements for the care in a kindergarten/nursery?

In the first year of life an infant should be able to develop a secure attachment to the main caregiver, in most cases the mother. But this experience of interaction is important for the whole development, not just for the first year. When a child starts exploring the world (in play) the mother acts as a secure base. This means that the child has the reassurance that when scared he/she will be able to go back the mother for comfort. When there is no secure base exploration will be inhibited. The secure base is very important in a new environment, like in day care. The teacher will be able to become a secondary attachment figure but this is a process and takes time. Psychologist and development experts emphasise that a child needs a period of time to settle in a new environment which needs to be planed and should have no time frame, on the contrary the child's needs should be the first priority (Settling your child into daycare ). First of all the kindergarten team should provide one person who is the main teacher of the child. This is the teacher the child will get attached to and should officiate as the secure base. In the transition period the child is given the opportunity, in presence of the mother, to get to know the main- teacher and learn to trust her/him. Separation to the main-teacher needs to be prepared for example if the teacher is going on maternity leave or for a long holiday and a new teacher needs to be introduced before the separation. The individual needs of the child have to be recognised and properly interpreted by the teacher e.g. the need for attachment, autonomy or being integrated. Furthermore the teacher needs to respond promptly which is only possible if she is only responsible for two or three children. So this is one of the important things to watch out for! The smaller the groups of children the better for the child. Why? For example a shy , quiet child can often get lost in a big group. Often the noisier you are the more attention you get, am I not right?
Nursery can be very overwhelming and exhausting for the child. Parents need to recognise this and accept it without feeling guilty. Do not undermine their feelings and but tell them that you understand that everyday life in the nursery is a strain for them. If you feel that your child is not well taken care of do, not ignore this feeling. Try to talk to the teachers about it and find a way with them to make the day more pleasant for the child but if it isn't possible and you feel the teachers do not care about the individual needs of your child then try to find a nursery that can give your child what he/she needs. 


What are positive aspects of day care?  When the teacher acts as a secure base for the child the wish to explore is satisfied which is very important for the development of the child. Children are given the opportunity to develop psychosocial skills which are important in the interaction with other children. children learn how to play in a group, how to share toys and how to manage conflict. This is particularly important for children who grow up without siblings. 

You can not imagine how long it took me to write this post. really hard to type with one hand! guess how often my son woke up?

Settling a child into day care

How can we make the transition easier for the child? 

Phase one: start reading books to the child about going to kindergarten, this is a good way of introducing the idea to him/her or watch programs where children are in nursery. 

Phase two: The child goes to kindergarten with the mother. The child meets the new teachers and children and the main- teacher will be introduced too. For a week the mother will go to kindergarten with the child. At the beginning the mother will be more dominate but later on the mother will just sit on the chair, watch her child play with the other children. Important in this phase is that the main teacher is available to the child and takes responsibility. The interaction between mother and teacher can insure the child that the teacher can be trusted. 

Phase three: The mother comes to kindergarten with the child but leaves the child for a couple of hours alone. Here it is very important that the main teacher gives clear signals that the child is able to turn to her/him if needed. The mother needs to stay available for the kindergarten to call her to come back if needed. If the child is not able to be alone in the kindergarten one should return to phase one. Otherwise this phase should continue for a week or two depending on the child. Every couple of days the hours of the mother not being there should be increased.  

Phase four: Mother brings her child to kindergarten and says goodbye. It is important that the main teacher is available to comfort the child especially after saying goodbye but also throughout the day. Also in this phase the mother should stay available by phone to come back if the child is inconsolable. Make sure you pack a comfort toy at the beginning. It is something familiar and is something from home. It will help the child to say goodbye and during the day the child can hold it and cuddle it when needed. 

Children's books, part une

This is one of my favourite children books. Alfie goes to a birthday party for the first time without his mum. He takes his blanket with him and won't let go of it, not until he sees a girl crying and he tries comforting her. 
It is not just the story that I love about this book it is the pictures! 

A witch and her cat fly over forest, river etc. The witch loses her bow, wand her hat which is only finds because different animals help her out. She lets them fly with her on her broom. Unfortunately her broom breaks into two. A greedy dragon finds them and what happens next? You will just have to get the book and find out. 

Another Shirley Hughes book. Just love her books. This is the nursery collection with five different "stories": Colours, All Shapes and Sizes, Noisy, Bathwater's Hot and When We Went to the Park. 

The rag dolls are very excited about Halloween until they run into the thorn witch. The story stays interesting until the last line and the pictures are outstanding! 


Soon more to come. Tell me what did you like reading to your children/grandchildren? 

Smiling

A couple of weeks ago (25th of January to be exact) my little man smiled for the first time. I can't say that he smiled at me because he did not. It was early in the morning and he had kept me up from 5 till 7. He woke up to eat but then was in such a good mood that he did not want to go back to sleep. Trying to get him to sleep just made him angry, so he played. I call it play because I do not know what else to call it. He lies in his bed or on his playmat and looks at pictures. He loves looking at himself in a mirror without realising of course that it is him he is seeing. Anyway at 7 he finally goes back to sleep. So at 9 (a more civilized hour to wake up) he wakes up, eats and then needs changing. He is looking and looking and suddenly he smiles. And this time it is not his reflex smile. It is a proper smile. His eyes smile too. And he does it again this time he makes a funny sound that could be a laughing noise. I get so excited I reach for the camera and try to take a picture. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. I don't know what he was smiling at or about. Maybe he was just feeling happy, maybe it was the colourful duvet covert that he likes looking at or maybe he knew that he gave me a hard night and he wanted to do something nice for his mummy. First smile is one of the most wonderful things in the world and to me every smile that came after that is still the most beautiful thing in the world.

Two days ago for example I was singing him a German song about a cat that dances alone till an animal comes and wants to dance with her. Every time it is a different animal. She always declines the offer because of something but then the animal comes closer to her and says something in her ear. You don't know what the animal actually says so you just say giberish at that point of the song. So I whisper in my sons ear: pshpshspshsoshosh. And he starts smiling. Maybe it was he feeling in his ear maybe it was something completely different but it was so special because I felt like he was reacting to something that I did. At this point he still had not smiled back at me.

And then today, again a difficult night, let me explain the scenario: He was ready to sleep, he was fed, dry but fussy for some reason best known to himself. He fell asleep for 10 minutes at a time then woke up again. I was ready to sleep, my husband was snoring already next to me but my little son did not want to sleep. I felt like there was nothing I could do to make him settle. So in the end I gave up on sleep and sat in the living room to watch an episode of Dr. House. At some point he finally went to sleep and then the night became better but it was already 2:30. This morning I had to get up early because I had to take Dan to the kidney doctor, so no sleeping in for Mummy. I started feeding Dan and then he stopped eating and he made his fart face which is basically him opening his eyes wide and squeezing his mouth together. Suddenly I hear loudest fart ever, I look at him and laugh.And he looks at me and smiles back. For the first time he smiled back at me. IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

At least once a day my husband can hear me scream "HE'S SMILING". very sure it won't change for a very long time: If you are a parent or a grandparent I can just advice you to enjoy every smile, every sweet noise the baby makes, enjoy everything. They grow up so quickly.