Let's be ladies and gentlemen again

Where has the romance gone? Where have the gentlemen gone?
There was a time when men opened the doors, would bring flowers home, would pay for dinner, do I really need to go on? I think you get the point. Now you go on dates and you won't even know if it is a date because now a days they call it hanging out together or meeting up. Men don't even pick you up for a date anymore. I once went out with a friend of mine for dinner. It was not a date but he treated me like a real lady. He picked me up, opened the car door and the restaurant door for me, paid the bill. I was shocked. Can you imagine that? I was shocked by his behavior because I never ever experienced anything like it. Isn't that sad?

I am lucky I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life but I had my share of bad dates and relationships. And I have friends who report back to me. And the worst thing is that after the date everyone starts playing games. "He texted me an hour ago but I won't open the message for another hour so he doesn't think I am sitting waiting for him. And after I read the message I won't answer him for a day or two." And then the guy does the same thing. Problem is that people find other people more attractive when they are playing hard to get. They get bored when one is too available but that is not love? Loving someone means choosing someone every day, loving them also when you are bored and you don't feel the butterflies anymore. Why does one need to start a maybe future relationship with games?

I feel like men have changed. I remember my grandmother told me that when my grandfather didn't like what she was wearing he would make her go and change. Can you imagine? No woman would ever let a man speak to her like that. And men would never speak to women like that and maybe that's good. But I was once on a date where the guy wouldn't make any decisions. everything ( and when i say everything I mean everything: which restaurant to go to, where to sit, which movie to watch, what to talk about) had to be discussed with me and I hated it. I felt like telling him to man up and take control. Don't all women want a man who takes control. Someone who knows what he wants and let's you know it. It doesn't have to be as extreme as my grandfather but men have to become men again.

A few days ago I had an argument with my husband. It was nothing serious but I was very angry (I have the tendency to exaggerate) but I still wanted him to be a little bit more dramatic with his apology. I wanted flowers and chocolate and a romantic gesture telling me that he loves me and can't live without me. Never happened and it's fine I am not angry about it. I don't know all women in this world but women like me, want men to make a big fuss around them and for them. It makes you feel special and loved what is wrong with that?

I saw a post on one of the Facebook groups where a woman was complaining that men don't come up to you anymore to ask you out or to buy you a drink. But is it really just men?
A male friend of mine complains about women: They don't want to commit or when they do they get scared and pull away. it's like men and women are not compatible anymore. Women are becoming stronger and more independent. Maybe they don't feel the need to have a man in their life. Maybe that is the problem?

Maybe we need to go back in time a bit. Women need to let men be men, make them feel like they are needed, make them feel masculine, make  them feel like they are the man in the relationship. And men need to man up again and need to treat a woman like the most special lady in the world.

Home sweet home

I still say that I recently moved to a new flat when it has been already mhm let me think, 4 months?! Yes I think we moved 4 months ago. And believe it or not yesterday we put up our first pictures.  A month ago we still had a not-yet-built-ikea-cupboard lying around. When my parents came they made me build it up which annoyed me but if they hadn't then you probably could still find it in a box waiting to be built. 

So this week I decided to hang some pictures up and this blog inspired me. Check it out you will find some great ideas. My problem is with all pictures (poster and photos) that I can not decide on a frame and when I have decided on a frame I can not decide where to hang it. Through the blog I discovered WASHI Tape. For anyone who does not know what it is. It's coloured tape that you can stick and take off really easily. You can get different colours, different designs and you can decorate almost anything with it. I made frames with it.

I actually think that this poster needs a black frame but I could not find black washi tape. So I used this light green. And this is the amazing thing about the tape when you are fed up with it you can take it off and start from the beginning. 

For the bedroom I wanted a VOGUE themed wall. (my poor husband has to have a girly room, but he really should be happy I didn't put it up in the sitting room because I would have if I was living alone) I bought this poster on amazon but I was thinking of adding to the rest of the wall just normal vogue covers. I just have to find ones I like. It's a process. I will update you of course. 

To sleep or not to sleep that is the question

We have not been sleeping well since my little munchkin was born 18 months ago. Actually I have not been sleeping well since the pregnancy because I was uncomfortable and I needed to wee all the time. And when he was in hospital we did not sleep well because we were worried and when he came home he would only sleep on us. Then at some point we were able to get him to sleep next to us. It was a huge improvement to before but it definitely was very far from ideal. 

Last Wednesday I finally started teaching him to fall asleep by himself because that way he can send himself to sleep when he wakes up at night. But that is not the only reason why I needed to teach him to sleep alone. I also needed him give him a push to independence. He needed to separate from me to be able to develop.

I was dreading it. I really was. I was going from "I can't do it" to "I must do it" to "my poor baby how can I do this to him". I did not let him cry it out in the traditional way. I sat next to him and I was with him the whole time and he in the end fell asleep with my hand on his back. It was quicker than I thought and he has been doing really well. Last night he slept through the night! It really was not how I thought it would be. Somehow when you read blogs and articles and books about it you just think it is going to be a nightmare. You think you won't sleep for 2 weeks or more. But it isn't so bad if you are consistent. If you choose a sleep training method that you are comfortable with and you a ready to follow through then it will be okay. Look I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe tomorrow he will cry for 3 hours. Maybe tonight he will wake up and I will have a nightmare. MAYBE but whatever it is I will be able to manage and so will he. 

I just wonder what would have been if I had done it sooner. And why did i not do it sooner? Because I was not ready. I was not ready to let go. I stopped my child from developing although he was ready to. He was ready to grow up, to not be an infant anymore. I am using the word infant because I can not say baby because he is still a baby. A baby toddler. I thought I would feel guilty about sleep training him, about letting him cry, about making him do something he did not want to do. But now I feel guilty that I did not do it sooner. I was traumatised by what happened to him and me when he was born.  I needed him close, I was afraid he would die. I needed him to be in my bed. Maybe he needed it at the beginning but I think he was ready before I was.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.” 

― Philip Larkin

Haha always think of this poem when I think I am being a "bad parent" :) 

I am not saying you should sleep train, I am just saying if you are worried about it than don't be. Children adapt so quickly to change and has my husband always said to me: "try to remember that the situation as it is, is not "Right". He is not supposed to need you to fall asleep so you are teaching him an important skill. You are doing it for him and for yourself"

So when sleep training is over who wants to go out and party with me.