Let's be ladies and gentlemen again

Where has the romance gone? Where have the gentlemen gone?
There was a time when men opened the doors, would bring flowers home, would pay for dinner, do I really need to go on? I think you get the point. Now you go on dates and you won't even know if it is a date because now a days they call it hanging out together or meeting up. Men don't even pick you up for a date anymore. I once went out with a friend of mine for dinner. It was not a date but he treated me like a real lady. He picked me up, opened the car door and the restaurant door for me, paid the bill. I was shocked. Can you imagine that? I was shocked by his behavior because I never ever experienced anything like it. Isn't that sad?

I am lucky I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life but I had my share of bad dates and relationships. And I have friends who report back to me. And the worst thing is that after the date everyone starts playing games. "He texted me an hour ago but I won't open the message for another hour so he doesn't think I am sitting waiting for him. And after I read the message I won't answer him for a day or two." And then the guy does the same thing. Problem is that people find other people more attractive when they are playing hard to get. They get bored when one is too available but that is not love? Loving someone means choosing someone every day, loving them also when you are bored and you don't feel the butterflies anymore. Why does one need to start a maybe future relationship with games?

I feel like men have changed. I remember my grandmother told me that when my grandfather didn't like what she was wearing he would make her go and change. Can you imagine? No woman would ever let a man speak to her like that. And men would never speak to women like that and maybe that's good. But I was once on a date where the guy wouldn't make any decisions. everything ( and when i say everything I mean everything: which restaurant to go to, where to sit, which movie to watch, what to talk about) had to be discussed with me and I hated it. I felt like telling him to man up and take control. Don't all women want a man who takes control. Someone who knows what he wants and let's you know it. It doesn't have to be as extreme as my grandfather but men have to become men again.

A few days ago I had an argument with my husband. It was nothing serious but I was very angry (I have the tendency to exaggerate) but I still wanted him to be a little bit more dramatic with his apology. I wanted flowers and chocolate and a romantic gesture telling me that he loves me and can't live without me. Never happened and it's fine I am not angry about it. I don't know all women in this world but women like me, want men to make a big fuss around them and for them. It makes you feel special and loved what is wrong with that?

I saw a post on one of the Facebook groups where a woman was complaining that men don't come up to you anymore to ask you out or to buy you a drink. But is it really just men?
A male friend of mine complains about women: They don't want to commit or when they do they get scared and pull away. it's like men and women are not compatible anymore. Women are becoming stronger and more independent. Maybe they don't feel the need to have a man in their life. Maybe that is the problem?

Maybe we need to go back in time a bit. Women need to let men be men, make them feel like they are needed, make them feel masculine, make  them feel like they are the man in the relationship. And men need to man up again and need to treat a woman like the most special lady in the world.

Home sweet home

I still say that I recently moved to a new flat when it has been already mhm let me think, 4 months?! Yes I think we moved 4 months ago. And believe it or not yesterday we put up our first pictures.  A month ago we still had a not-yet-built-ikea-cupboard lying around. When my parents came they made me build it up which annoyed me but if they hadn't then you probably could still find it in a box waiting to be built. 

So this week I decided to hang some pictures up and this blog inspired me. Check it out you will find some great ideas. My problem is with all pictures (poster and photos) that I can not decide on a frame and when I have decided on a frame I can not decide where to hang it. Through the blog I discovered WASHI Tape. For anyone who does not know what it is. It's coloured tape that you can stick and take off really easily. You can get different colours, different designs and you can decorate almost anything with it. I made frames with it.

I actually think that this poster needs a black frame but I could not find black washi tape. So I used this light green. And this is the amazing thing about the tape when you are fed up with it you can take it off and start from the beginning. 

For the bedroom I wanted a VOGUE themed wall. (my poor husband has to have a girly room, but he really should be happy I didn't put it up in the sitting room because I would have if I was living alone) I bought this poster on amazon but I was thinking of adding to the rest of the wall just normal vogue covers. I just have to find ones I like. It's a process. I will update you of course. 

To sleep or not to sleep that is the question

We have not been sleeping well since my little munchkin was born 18 months ago. Actually I have not been sleeping well since the pregnancy because I was uncomfortable and I needed to wee all the time. And when he was in hospital we did not sleep well because we were worried and when he came home he would only sleep on us. Then at some point we were able to get him to sleep next to us. It was a huge improvement to before but it definitely was very far from ideal. 

Last Wednesday I finally started teaching him to fall asleep by himself because that way he can send himself to sleep when he wakes up at night. But that is not the only reason why I needed to teach him to sleep alone. I also needed him give him a push to independence. He needed to separate from me to be able to develop.

I was dreading it. I really was. I was going from "I can't do it" to "I must do it" to "my poor baby how can I do this to him". I did not let him cry it out in the traditional way. I sat next to him and I was with him the whole time and he in the end fell asleep with my hand on his back. It was quicker than I thought and he has been doing really well. Last night he slept through the night! It really was not how I thought it would be. Somehow when you read blogs and articles and books about it you just think it is going to be a nightmare. You think you won't sleep for 2 weeks or more. But it isn't so bad if you are consistent. If you choose a sleep training method that you are comfortable with and you a ready to follow through then it will be okay. Look I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe tomorrow he will cry for 3 hours. Maybe tonight he will wake up and I will have a nightmare. MAYBE but whatever it is I will be able to manage and so will he. 

I just wonder what would have been if I had done it sooner. And why did i not do it sooner? Because I was not ready. I was not ready to let go. I stopped my child from developing although he was ready to. He was ready to grow up, to not be an infant anymore. I am using the word infant because I can not say baby because he is still a baby. A baby toddler. I thought I would feel guilty about sleep training him, about letting him cry, about making him do something he did not want to do. But now I feel guilty that I did not do it sooner. I was traumatised by what happened to him and me when he was born.  I needed him close, I was afraid he would die. I needed him to be in my bed. Maybe he needed it at the beginning but I think he was ready before I was.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.” 

― Philip Larkin

Haha always think of this poem when I think I am being a "bad parent" :) 

I am not saying you should sleep train, I am just saying if you are worried about it than don't be. Children adapt so quickly to change and has my husband always said to me: "try to remember that the situation as it is, is not "Right". He is not supposed to need you to fall asleep so you are teaching him an important skill. You are doing it for him and for yourself"

So when sleep training is over who wants to go out and party with me. 

Just Dance

              When you are feeling low or had a bad day put on loud music and dance. Dance as hard as you can.Dance like you have never before. Just dance it out. 

Forget about everything around you. Forget about why you are angry or sad . Just listen to the music and dance. Dance like nothing else is important.

Dance as crazy as you always wanted to but never have because you were too shy.

Don't you feel so much better? 

Jemanden etwas gönnen

Jemandem etwas gönnen (this is German for everyone here who does not speak german) means to be happy for someone without feeling envious. In English there is no word that describes exactly that. Or maybe there is but I definitely did not find it. It is such a great word and it is even better can do exactly that. I think it is something that people find very hard. It is easy to be happy for someone but secretly be envious of them. But does that mean that you are actually not happy for them?
I am trying to become better at it because there are situations where I really find it hard to feel that way for people. For a long time I hated pregnant women. Then I got to the point that I could tolerate them, then I was happy for them but I was crazy jealous and now I gönnen. Such a good word. I sound like Miranda. OH MY GOD if you do not know what I am talking about then you have to watch the series. YOU HAVE TO.

YOU SEE? ISN'T SO FUNNY!

It is silly to be jealous and really just hard for oneself. I think it makes you a less happy person. I did not want to feel that way. I never want to feel that way and also if I am aware of it I cannot just change my feelings. It just does not work that way. Well not with me. People say it is normal to feel envious of other pregnant women when one had a preemie and a traumatic birth.

Can one learn to gönnen? I think that some people just find it easier than others. Maybe people who are generally happy with their lives. Maybe the happier you are for someone the less envious you will feel. Maybe the more involved you get the less you can feel jealous because you see how happy the person is. Maybe the more you love the person the more you want them to be happy. And maybe (this is my last maybe) the more aware you are of your feelings the more control you have over them. I am not saying that you can say "I am not going to be angry anymore" or "I am not going to be sad" but I think that if you feel consciously then you can work against those feelings but it is struggle. And you will always find yourself in a situation where a friend or family member has something that you want and can't have or they are living a life that you wish you could live or you know. There is always going to be situations where you need to gönnen. For your own sake because it will make you a happier person. And if it makes you feel any better. Everyone is struggling with it not just you.


PS: After reading what I read again I had to laugh because I used the word "gönnen" as an english verb like I do when I speak to Simon or my parents. I am very much aware that I do it not just with that word :) That is what it is like when you grow up with two languages.

The owl and the pussy-cat

The owl and the Pussy- cat went to sea

In a beautiful pea- green boat 

They took some honey, and plenty of money, 

Wrapped up in a five- pound note 

The owl looked up to the stars above, 

And sang to a small guitar, 

' o lovely pussy! O pussy, my love, what a beautiful pussy you are, 

You are 

You are! 

What a beautiful Pussy you are!' 

Pussy said to the owl, ' you elegant fowl!

How charmingly sweet you sing! 

O let us be married! Too long we have tarried: 

But what shall we do for a ring?' 

They sailed away, for a year and a day, 

To the land where the Bong- tree grows, 

And there in a wood a Piggy- wig stood, 

With a ring at the end of his nose , 

His nose, 

His nose, 

With a ring at the end of his nose

'Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?' 

Said the Piggy, 'I will' 

So they took it away, and were married next day 

By the Turkey who lives on the hill. 

They dined on mince, and slices of quince, 

Which they are with a runclible spoon; 

And Hand in hand, on the edge of the sand 

They danced by the light of the moon

The moon

The moon 

They danced by the light of the moon. 

~ Edward Lear ~ 

my amazing-make-my-legs-look-incredibly-thin-but-make-me-tower-over-everyone-so-i-don't-wear-them shoes

My story behind these shoes and many shoes that are sitting my cupboard is that I buy shoes that I absolutely looooooove. I can't not have them so I buy them and they sit in my cupboard. Every now and then I take them out, try them on and tell Simon "how much I love them" but end up putting them back in the cupboard where they remain till the next try on. 

One of the reasons why I don't wear these shoes or any of my other high heels is because I have no where to wear them. I am not going to wear them to the park or to go shopping. And as my son is not sleep trained Simon and I have not been going out much. I could wear them to synagogue but I am not mad. We have a 20 minute walk to synagogue and if you have been to Jerusalem you know that you have to always walk up hill to get anywhere so NO I am not going to kill myself by earing them to shul (means synagogue).

And also if I did have a reason to wear them I wouldn't because I tower over everyone and it makes me feel uncomfortable and then I look uncomfortable. I made a big msitake at the last party I went to as I decided I would wear my beautiful Office high heeled peep-toes and now there are pictures of me where I look absolutely horrible. There are family group pictures where I am taller than everyone else. It looks terrible. No woman wants to be the tallest person at a party- yes okay I was not the tallest at the party but I was one of them. 

Everyone always says how lucky I am that I am tall and bla bla bla. I always wanted to be short and thin. Delicate, petite, dainty. 

But one should never say that out loud because all you will hear is "you are ridiculous. You should be happy that you are tall.". But it isn't better to be tall. Especially if you can not wear the shoes your heart desires. 

So here are one of my amazing-make-my-legs-look-incredibly-thin-but-make-me-tower-over-everyone-so-i-don't-wear-them shoes 

i carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go; my dear, and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear
No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life,which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


~ EE Cummings ~

forgive and forget

Forgive and forget, that is something that a lot people have trouble with especially me.  I spend a lot of time and energy being angry with people. Sometimes I will think I have forgiven someone only to realize that I actually have not. My heart will start racing and I will feel like I did then. It's stupid and makes no sense. I will never tell the person I haven't forgiven them so in the end I am only hurting myself. And I am just has hard on myself as on everyone else. I will not forget stupid things I said or did. I will replay scenarios in my head again and again. I will torture myself with ifs and whys again and again. It's unbearable.

I wish I was more like Simon my husband.

He is the most forgiving person I know. And not only that, he will also forget. He will never bring it up again, never use it against you in a fight a few weeks, months or years later, and he won't want to talk about it for hours to make you feel even worse than you already do and to apologize for the hundredth time. 

I am really lucky, he on the other hand is screwed. But to be fair he knew what he was getting into because I always told him that I have trouble forgiving.

In the series "Private Practice" Adison, who is the main character of the show tells her therapist that she thinks her boyfriend is a better person than her. I sometimes believe that too about me and Simon. I think being able to forgive makes you a better person because it means you can accept people for who they are including their mistakes and flaws. No? They are definitely happier people. But can one learn to forgive? Is there still hope for me?

Piece of advice

A few years ago my summers changed.  I finally started wearing shorts. You expected something more dramatic I am sure but if you never wore shorts in your life because you thought they did not suit you then you will understand.  I never used to wear them because I did not like my legs in them. I don't have thin legs, I also do not have fat legs but they are not a part of my body I like particularly. I always felt like shorts made them look bigger so I avoided them. I wore a lot of dresses and skirts, long and short. And I was fine but then my cousin, Mary, gave me a piece of advice that I will share with you now: 

If you want your legs to look thin in shorts you have to buy them two- three sizes bigger than you actually need. 

Sounds crazy? It is not! The shorts need to be baggy around your legs and that makes your legs look thin. It really does! If you buy them in your size they are always tight around the thighs, sometimes they even squash them. Try it. Now that summer is around the corner and you will be going shopping for summer clothes you should buy yourself a pair of oversized shorts. Just combine them with a tight T-Shirt and pair of fabulous sandals and you are ready to go!



You should follow Mary's facebook page "Chick Bible", Click here hope she will soon start her website because it will be amazing. And now I am done giving advice. Well for today :) 

Young and inspiring

Lena Dunham, is a writer, director, producer of the HBO "Girls".  

She also is the star of the series and has written a book called "Not that kind of Girl. A young woman tells you what she's "learned"". So I am not going to summerize her biography, you can look that up on wiki or google her or whatever. I want to talk about how she has inspired me and how I think she is inspiring young girls/women or how she can inspire us but maybe won't.

I read her book a few weeks ago and it is a memoir but written as essays. And what I find incredible is how honest she is about her everything: her life, sex, her childhood and teenage years and her problems with herself. When I was reading her book I often was thinking "oh my god I felt exactly the same way" or "I would have never admitted to that, ever". You read it and you recognise yourself in it and you remember thoughts or actions that were similar to your own but you would have never, ever talked about them, not to your mother, best friend and definitely not the whole world.

She talks about her sleep issues as a child and how she suffered/suffers from OCD. Most people especially celebrities like to hide personal problems from the world. Of course they do because everyone will be talking about it but I believe that if they did talk about it they would open a dialogue for "normal" people to talk about mental health issues or uncomfortable topics. Let me give you an example from my life: I was anorexic for a 5 years and thank god I am not now but in those years I lost all my friends. People stayed away from me because they could not handle it. They could not handle me being depressed, they could not handle watching me starving myself and basically saying to the world "I don't want to live". My friends could not bear it and did not how to deal with it so they ignored me and I was alone. I had my family without them I would not be here. And even to this day nobody ever talked to me about it, even the people I became friends with again. Nobody asked me one question about it. They never apologized, they never wanted to talk about it. I never forgave them for it. I know we were young but still?!

After reading the book you feel a little less alone with everything you have done, felt when you were a child, teenager and young woman. She tells you everyone goes through shit, everyone has bad experience with men and friends. Nobody is perfect, nobody had the perfect childhood, everyone has bad memories of being a teenager it's just that most people do not talk about it but not Lena Dunham. I think she will talk about almost everything. 

"13 Things I've learned are not okay to say to friends

1. She's chubby in a different way than we are

2. Don't worry, no one will remember this when you're dead

3. No, please don't apologize. If I had your mother I'd be a nightmare, too"

10 more to go but you will have to read them in her book. 

"When someone shows you how little you mean to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself. You are not made up of compartments! You are one whole person! What gets said to you gets said to all of you, ditto what gets done. Being treated like shit is not an amusing game or a transgressive intellectual experiment. It's something you accept, condone, and learn to believe you deserve. This is so simple. But I tried so hard to make it complicated" (Lena Dunham In "Not that kind of Girl. A young woman tells you what she's "learned"")

I could now talk about her series and about the characters but I won't- you should just watch the series and you will see that Lena Dunham tries to show a real version of how girls in their 20s struggle to figure out how to live. I can try to explain what Lena tried to do with the series but really she could do it so much better. So I am going to let her do it. Isn't amazing that we have youtube. :) 

Must have

What you need, really really need are a pair of shoes that make you feel like a million dollars when you are wearing jeans and an old t-shirt you found in your boyfriend's/husband's cupboard. They can be highheels, sandals or flats it does not matter. All they have to be is absolutely fabulous. That does not mean they have to be madly expensive or a designer. No, it's more about how you feel in them and how they change your outfit: sometimes they complete your outfit and they were what was missing all along and sometimes they are best thing about your outfit. 

 So ladies if you don't have a pair of shoes like that in your wardrobe then stop whatever you are doing and go shopping now!!! I mean it, go now!!!

these are my million dollar shoes. Don't you just love them? I love them and I don't know how I lived without them.

be kind and patient to yourself

Babies and children are inspiring.
I have been living in Israel for nearly two years and I know about 40 words in hebrew. I know it's pathetic. I had a place at a language school but my son was born early and I could not go. Time passed and my son was very attached to me and I was very attached to him. He would not stay with anyone else and I do not think I was ready to leave him with anyone. Look, things would have been different if my parents lived here or my in-laws but I don't have close family here so it is hard, you know? Anyway I did a very intensive langauge course with a friend of mine who is a hebrew teacher. And it was great but it was so hard. I think I complained a lot. I just felt like it took me 10 hours to remember one word and you feel like a complete idiot. It takes me about 5 minutes to say a basic, very easy sentence in Hebrew and when I try to read anything it takes me forever and a day that I just want to give up. And as I have not been on top of it for the last few weeks I feel like I have forgotten everything again and that I will have to start at the beginning. And it is not just a new language, it is everything. If you want to learn anything new it will feel like it takes forever. I never learnt a music instrument because I was too lazy to practice and I just wanted to be able to play it without working for it. I am certain that a lot of people are not like me but still. How does one learn to be patient with one self?

Babies and children are inspiring and they should inspire us because they are so patient with themselves. Or maybe they do not know how not to be patient. But no.. because one can see that they too get frustrated sometimes but they will still try again and often they will try even harder.
I see it every day with my son. He was been walking around furniture for 7 months and two weeks ago he started walking on his own and he is still falling on his bum every four steps and he just gets up and starts again. Isn't that amazing and he is like that with everything. He has to learn everything new and if it takes him a hundert tries he will try until he succeeds. At the moment I am trying to teach him that his eyes are his eyes. But he does not get it. He knows his head, tummy, feet, ears and his pippiman. Yes that is what we call it. I did not like willy and penis just sounds so weird. I am not a doctor why should I call it that. And somehow pippiman sounds like a superhero, like superman or batman. I am hoping it will help him have a good relationship to his pippiman- you might ask why I am worried it about it. Well I think if everyone was obsessed with your pippiman during your childhood you would have a difficult relationship to your pippiman or actually pippiwoman as I am not talking to men only. My son had a problem since he was created, he had problems weeing and he needed to be born early and have an operation. And for the next years he is going to have to visit his urologist religiously. So yes I am worried he is going to have a difficult relationship to his pippiman. Why did I start talking about that? Oh yes because he does not know his eyes, nose or mouth. And I have been trying to teach him every day and he is just not getting it.

So now I don't just have to be patient with myself when it comes to learning something new but also with my son. But somehow it is easier and I am hoping that it will teach me to be more patient with myself and also to be kinder to myself. Children are amazing that's all I can say, that is all that needs to be said, don't you think?

Just another blog?!

At first I thought I would delete all the things I wrote here before I changed the name but then I decided not to.
I love looking at blogs and in my head I would love to have a fashion blog but I am just not that kind of person who likes to pose infront of a camera day in and day out. Also I just don't have the money to but myself new clothes every week. Then there are the food blogs that I love looking at and I was thinking of sharing my recipes online but my pictures will never resemble the ones you find online. My food taste nice I know that but I wouldn't say it looks beautiful. And you should see my cakes and muffins. I always love the idea of baking but then in the middle of it I think to myself:"why did you think this would be a good idea?" And I just wish I could stop, sit on the couch and hope that the fairy godmother will come and clear up the mess I created in the kitchen. I am one of these people who always has to fish out eggs shells from the bowl and reads the recipe 100 times and still gets something wrong. Somehow and don't ask me how it tastes quite nice at the end thank god otherwise the 2 hours I spent baking were a complete waste of time. But again I do not want to share these experiences with anyone. I do not even want to relive them while writing about them. So what else?
I thought I would share my experiences as a new mother but that didn't work out either for many reasons . One of them was that I was fed up talking about it. When you become a mother it seems like the only topic you have with your other mother friends. Is you child walking yet? What does he eat? How does he sleep? If you are not a parent and you overheard these conversations you would think that mothers are the most boring people on the world. And of course we are not. Babies and their development are fascinating but I decided that I didn't also want to write about it. A few weeks ago my husband, son and I were invited for dinner to a gay couple who invited a few other people too. None of them had kids and for the first few hours I just ran around their flat trying to stop my son from opening all their cupboards or breaking something. I didn't do a very good job because he did break something. And although they said it was fine I did feel bad about it and thought they would never invite us again. Anyway what I really wanted to say is that my son went to sleep at 9 and I put him down on their couch and there he slept till we left. For three hours I was myself again. We didn't talk about babies or pregnancies or births. And when we left I told them that they made me feel young again which they thought was funny because I was the youngest at the table. It was the first time since my son was born that I felt like the old me. The me that has fallen into the shadow of the new mummy me. That's how it is but I realized that I needed evenings like that more often so I decided that it was time to sleep train my child so that me and my husband could go out in the evenings every now and then. I haven't done it yet because my beloved child has been ill non stop.
I also wanted to talk about grandparenthood? Why you might ask! Very good question. I wrote my bachelor thesis about it and I thought I would share my thoughts about the subject. Unfortunately it took me a whole day to write one post because everything I know about the subject is saved in my brain in German. I studied psychology in Germany so everything I did was in German. And it is very difficult to transfer this information into English. I don't know why I have such a hard time with it but maybe if you are bilingual you will understand and feel the same way.

So you might think after reading all this what on earth is this blog going to be about? It's going to be about everything and anything. Everything that fascinates me this could be a book I am reading, the tree in a park, my son, my friends, my husband, who knows. The world is our oyster let's explore it and talk about it. Also I am hoping this is going to keep me sane. The last few nights I have been up with my son because he has a cold= he sleeps even worse then he normally does and needs to be carried around for hours during the night. At some point I drove him around at 4 in the morning. It doesn't just sound crazy, it is crazy. I need something that will keep me sane, something that is mine. And also if I have only one person who reads my post and feels a little inspired or understood then that is enough for me. So what do you think? Should we start our journey?!