How to help your grandchild through a divorce

Grandparents can play an important role for grandchildren whose parents are getting a divorce. 

Why?
Often the grandparents are the most important caregivers within the family (after the parents of course). You are the person who knows the child the longest and you have had the most consistent relationship to the child after the parents. And now the child can experience that even if his/her parents separate there are family relationships that remain the same. This can give your grandchild security which is important in his difficult time.

It is not going to become easier

You have to realise that grandparenting becomes more complicated if your child is getting a divorce. You will be afraid to seem disloyal towards your child if you visit your grandchild at your child's ex-spouse. You will worry about the other grandparents feelings like they do not see their child enough or you will worry that you have share your little time with your grandchild with them and then of course you are afraid that your child's ex- spouse will not let you see your grandchild on a regular basis. And as I said before your relationship to your grandchild becomes more important. It is not anymore  just about babysitting, making your grandchild his favourite food and buying presents. You have a bigger responsibility now or not, if you do not want to. But I am guessing you would not be reading this if you did not want to help your grandchild. 

What can you do for your child? 

Help out at home and just be there

The single parent often lives under economic pressure and needs more support in everyday life. You can ask yourself if you would like to help this parent by looking after the child/children once a week after school or nursery so that the parent can emotionally "recharge". If you have the ability you can try to support the family financially in order to provide the grandchild with certain options e.g. Dance lessons, private tutoring, etc.. 
Be there for your child. As I said in my earlier post it is an emotional and stressful time for your child. Your child is not expecting any advice what he/she really wants is just someone who will listen to not just her problems but also her worries about the children (e.g. how they are going to handle the divorce, is it going to have a negative effect on them...)

What can you do for your grandchild? 

Be the oasis of no change

Your house should be a place where everything has remained the same as before. Maybe it will be your grandchild safe place. A place where your grandchild will be able to talk about his feelings. But do not force them to talk about it if they do not want to. Do not ask questions if they do not bring up the topic. A safe place also means a place where they do not have to think about everything that is going on at home, a place where for a while everything is just fine. 

Talk to your child about your grandchild 

If your grandchild brings up something important in a conversation to you try to talk to your child about it. Ask yourself first will it be possible to change the situation or is it important for his/her situation that the parents know about it?! And only if the answer is yes, then you should try talking to your child about it. Try doing it in a non accusing way as the divorce and everything around is a sensitive topic for your child. He/she might be upset that your grandchild was not able to talk to him/her. 

Make your grandchild feel it is okay however he/she feels. 

Often children feel like they are not allowed to feel a certain way  for example if he/she is angry with the parent who has left, or if he/she does not wants to live with daddy and not with mummy. It is important that your grandchild has a place where he/she can express his/her emotions.